heidi jean (h_j_b) wrote,
heidi jean
h_j_b

stupid.

If I write about how guilty I feel for not trying harder, and of my mistakes maybe it will make me not make thenm so much? I had 6 cigarettes today. I also bought an electronic one to help. At lunch, I made multiple mistakes. 1, artichoke dip. 2, bread basket. 3, two bud lights. And 4. A lobster caesar salad covered in dressing. These were all really bad choices, but it can be hard to make good ones when you're out and with friends. I need to get back in the habit of eating healthy just being a part of my lifestyle. I'm SUPER MAD about my sensor bar. I'll have to buy a new one online tomorrow. FUCK. Not to mention the bottle of wine I had for dinner and 2 slices of pizza. I am really worthless. That sounds like I didn't even try AT ALL. What is wrong with me? And then my stupid crush on a jerk boy isn't going very well, and I can't get over him, no matter how hard I'm trying. So. Basically, I'm in shambles, when last night I had a bunch of hopes and dreams. And money. Why did I spend so much money today? I don't even want to have a party anymore. I don't like anyone...... Anyone. Just my super close friends, and Ian. I don't feel like pretending with other people anymore. I'm in a bad mood and I needed to vent.... So.... This stupid online journal helps. I don't know why. I promise, tomorrow I will smoke less than 5 cigarettes, and eat better. Just eat BETTER! Its not that HARD! What's wrong with me?!? :(


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